Love Treaty

In Order That We May Live Long and Happily Together, in Order That We May Continually Develop and Deepen Our Love and Understanding, 

We, the Undersigned, Vow to Observe and Practice the Following: 

I. We’ll communicate with an intention of producing more harmony and understanding. 

II. We are committed for positive outcome for both of us. 

III. We are willing to speak the whole truth about our thoughts and our feelings. 

IV. While practicing forgiveness we’ll recognize that mistakes call for correction, not judgment or punishment.  

V. We’ll use the challenges we encounter as learning tools. 

VI. We’ll respect the confidentiality of our interaction, and will not share it with anyone  unless discussed with the other. 

VII. We’ll allow the other to share without interrupting.  

VIII. We’ll not make any unilateral decisions on issues that involve both of us.  

IX. When the other shares with me a problem, regardless whether it involves me or not, my reply will be: “Is there anything I can do to make it better?" 

X. Never go to sleep without: silently looking into each other’s eyes, giving a kiss, and saying “Good night”. 

When I listen: 

My partner is the focus of my Universe for the few minutes I chose to be a listener. 

Resist to try to “fix” what I feel the partner’s problem. 

Be curious, open-minded, and non-judgmental.  

Will not offer feedback unless asked. 

Ask for clarification when necessary. 

I will: 

Speak in I sentences. 

Speak as specifically as possible. 

Turn complains into specific requests. 

I will not: 

Use offensive language or call the other names. 

Speak in generalities or exaggerations. 

Regarding Anger (Anger comes as an aftermath of judgment. Read P. Reznik’s   essay on judgment.)  

I, the one who is angry, agree to: 

1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger. 

2. Not suppress my anger, acknowledge how I feel and share my feeling without accusing the other. 

3. Practice mindful breathing ("I breathe in peace and breathe out love") and go back to myself to take care of my anger (think about my need that was not fulfilled and what can be done about it). 

4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell the one who has triggered anger in me about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note. 

5. Ask for an appointment later in the week. Like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly. 

6. Not say: "I am not angry, it's okay. I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about." 

7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying, working, or driving in order to see: 

The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times. 

How I have hurt the other person because of my own habit energy: How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger. How the other person is only the secondary cause. 

How the other person is only seeking relief from his or her suffering. That as long as the other person suffers I cannot be truly happy. 

8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness. 

9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with the other person. 

I, the one who has said or did something that elicited anger from the other, agree to: 

1. Respect the other person's feelings, not ridicule him/her and allow enough time for him/her to calm down. 

2. Not press for an immediate discussion. 

3. Confirm the other person's request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure him/ her that l will be there. 

4. If I can apologize, I will do so right away and not wait until Friday evening. 

5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how: 

I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make the other person unhappy. 

I have mistakenly thought that making the other person suffer would relieve my own suffering. 

6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting. 

We Vow With the Presence as witness (                                                    ) to Abide by These Articles and Practice Them Wholeheartedly. 

Name ________________________________Signature______________________Date:______________ 

Name ________________________________Signature______________________Date:______________